I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
