just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
