Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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