I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
