I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think i got beer on your cat.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
