At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
