maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
