But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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