You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
