Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
