I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
