Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
