my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
