Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize