i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
