I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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