I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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