im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
