Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
