They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
