all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
