I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
