forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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