I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
