her vagine was all disorganized.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
