Sry I called you an 8
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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