Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
