your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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