i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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