that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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