The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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