You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
