If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
