Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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