I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
