just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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