you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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