Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
