Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
