i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
