Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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