and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
