dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
