my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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