I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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