Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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