Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize