Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
