A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
