i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
