just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
