Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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