She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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