There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
