I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
