that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
