i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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