you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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