Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
