Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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