I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I touched a dick in church today
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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