But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
