i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
