Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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