craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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