Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
