But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
